


I'm a Princess | A Collection

by theredwitchling



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Background Castiel/Dean Winchester - Freeform, Bisexual Female Character, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Pansexual Gabriel (Supernatural), Polyamory, Sibling Bonding, They're just trying their best okay, fake case, questionable parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2020-10-10 15:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20530661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theredwitchling/pseuds/theredwitchling
Summary: "I need a dolphin."A collection of Samwena/Sabrena family one-shots, drabbles and other based off of hilarious tweets (with some help from my gcs) from XplodingUnicorn (and vines), don't forget the vines.





	1. I need a dolphin

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated with love to my various gcs and prompters. I own nothing, I know nothing, I only want happiness for Rowena MacLeod. That's it, that's the tweet.
> 
> Original Tweet:
> 
> [school supply shopping]
> 
> 5-year-old: I need a dolphin.
> 
> Me: You need pencils.
> 
> 5: Dolphins don't draw.

"I need a dolphin." 

Bright green eyes looked up at him, begging, a small lip quiver, **that** familiar pout that was the perfect combination of his other two halves. Small baby like happiness he just wanted to give in to every _single_ time even if it meant they had to get a bigger bathtub, even though the current one could comfortably fit three people. This is exactly why he shouldn't have volunteered to go take her shopping for school supplies, he knew better. Sam and Rowena _knew_ better, and they still said yes, because the last trip netted them a small floof of an animal Gabe couldn't quite call a cat and it had been entirely Sam's fault for giving in on that one. All because of those eyes and that pout.

They all spoiled her and she knew how to play them all and this was decidedly Castiel's fault, mostly because he wasn't there to defend himself, and he was the one who said to "give her what she wants" so she would stop crying. So he did, even when she didn't cry. Baby got some new sunglasses, the baby went to Morroco for the sun, baby got the large Mufasa that definitely didn't make him almost cry after watching the Lion King with her.

He would try though. He had to learn to not give in to her all the time, his dad didn't give in to him all the time. Or any time. Recently. Shaking his head, Gabe gnawed on his lower lip. Unsure of how to combat this cute evil. So instead he spun on his heel and finger gunned his offspring. "You need pencils, we're here for pencils and school things... and shoes. Maybe a cookie if you're good." 

"Dolphins don't draw." Well, she got him there. Dolphins _don't_ draw. The five-year-old was smart, he'd give her that. It's all the books, definitely couldn't be the other kids. They were dumb as rocks, but his kid would always be the Best™. "Wait, hang on, offspring. How do you know they don't draw? They have long noses. Have you ever asked one?" It slipped out before he even thought it through.

"That's why I need a dolphin, papa." _Shit_, no. The P-word. Heart melting. Why did they let him go ALONE?

"Would pencils with dolphins on them be good?" He countered, spying a rack of mermaid coloured sparkly pens and animal print things. Mermaids must be in again, he should tell Sam and then she could go as Ariel. They could get her a fish... Madelyne's tiny face scrunched up and she threw her arms out with a well practised and copied sigh before nodding in defeat. She was small and dolphins were big and it wouldn't fit in her room -- but she had seen an aquarium on the way in and **it** had a dolphin and her tiny pout curled into a small, knowing smile.

Gabe saw it too late. That was not the Samsquatch pout, it was the Ro grin of doom. "Uh oh." Guess they were going to the aquarium when they were done...


	2. Want to earn a dollar?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Tweet:
> 
> Me: Want to earn a dollar?
> 
> 5-year-old: I already have a dollar.
> 
> You can't tempt the rich.

Dean leaned back into the couch, head rolling against the cushions as he reached out for his beer only to shake the bottle and come up empty. Great. He was comfy, it was one of the few times he just said fuck it, he wasn't doing anything today, and plopped his ass down on the couch to watch endless movies, eat pizza, and drink beer. Now he was out of beer, it was mid-afternoon and nobody else was around to have them fetch it for him.  
  
A tiny cackle from nearby reminded him that no, he was not in fact alone and that his small (very small) baby (she's five but baby) niece was sitting nary four feet away surrounded by plush animals of various shapes and sizes that her little redhead was chatting up and laughing at happily. "Five-year-olds are weird, man," was all he muttered under his breath as he watched her, trying to decide if he wanted to get up and get more beer himself.  
  
Glancing back over at her, a decision was made. "Hey, you want to earn a dollar?" He called out to her, interrupting her in the middle of booping the nose of a tiger that was almost bigger than she was. The little one dropped her arm and tilted her pigtailed head to the side seriously before glancing down around her circle and holding up a small dollar, that Dean swore wasn't there before. "I already have a dollar."  
  
First off, where did she pull that from, and secondly, what kid doesn't want another dollar? That's a lot of gum, or candy, or something... Then again, this was Sam's kid and he couldn't say he'd ever seen her with gum and candy, cookies, yeah, but.. really? Furrowing his brow, Dean just stared at Maddy with a confused look and then with a loud sigh, heaved himself up off the couch to go search for beer, carefully giving the circle of stuffed creatures a wide berth in case one reached out and tripped him (there had already been an incident with the penguin from Madagascar).  
  
When he sat back down a minute or two later with a six-pack in hand, there was suddenly a small crown on his nieces head and he just let out a grunt of disbelief before shaking his head, cracking open the first one and unpausing the Lord of the Rings while he tried not to think about the weird conjurings and mishaps that could happen in his man cave at any given moment and hoped that one of her parents (or her favourite brother Jack) returned at least before the Hobbits got to Rivendell.  
  
He did learn something about this babysitting and bribing thing though: apparently you, in fact, _can't_ tempt the rich (and witched). Especially least when they can't reach the fridge handle anyway. Maybe when she was taller.


	3. I'm a princess!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Tweet:
> 
> 7-year-old: I'm a princess.
> 
> Me: Does that make me a king?
> 
> 7: It makes you lucky to have Mom.

"Look, daddy, I'm a Princess!" A small voice called out, followed by the even smaller pitter-patter of feet on the hardwood floors and what distinctly sounded like a crown that kept falling onto the ground. Glancing up from the stack of books he'd been searching through, case for some of the new recruits, he waited for the little body to come running around the corner as if her life depended on it, and if you asked her, she would definitely tell you it was.

Red hair standing at all ends with an eyepatch covering one green eye, a wee bow on her back, pink princess play dress and a toy frying pan in one hand and oh -- that's where the clinking noise came from. His baby was a sight, that's for sure. All of 5 years old and fully capable of dressing herself in her favourites and best, complete with hair bow and cute little shoes and today's choice was a mashup of... he didn't quite know all of his princesses yet so this should be interesting. Jack knew them all, he should really ask him about them one of these days.  
  
There's just so _many_. 

The frying pan was Rapunzel, he knew that much. Maddy called him Flynn because he was tall **and** handsome. She also called Dean Flynn though because he could do the smoulder thing with his face, and Jack was Flynn because he was tall and had recently taken a liking to shoulder bags. Cas was Pascal, which Maddy hadn't explained at all and naturally, Rowena was the Queen. No ifs, ands or buts.  
  
The bow, of course, was telling of her love for the feisty Merida and her mother's heritage but the eyepatch was just... confusing? Was there a pirate princess now? He tried counting them all in his head, _okay, there are thirteen Disney princesses... Merida came before the one with the pigtails, who was the last one? How do Gabe and Jack keep them all straight?_  


So, maybe. It sounded cool anyway, a bit hard to run in but not like she could really do that well anyway. Being that tiny and cute, it was more.. small semi graceful prancing. 

Sam just shrugged with a goofy grin, running his fingers through his hair and giving it a soft shake just like Rowena did sometimes. Let her be whatever kinda princess her heart desired. "Princess? Does that make me a king then?" As he spoke to her, his daughter slowly walked forwards with the little pan, swinging it gently and pondering look on her face. 

Standing her tiny tiptoes next to him, Maddy pat her daddy's knee lovingly before glancing up at him, shaking her head and giving him the straightest deadpan ever that would make even Cas proud, "it makes you lucky to have mummy." 

Just then, Sam was really glad she wasn't tall enough to accidentally punch him in the junk with that pan because -- is that what that felt like? Silence hung between them as he stood there, mouth momentarily agape as he tried to wrap his head around that sick burn he swore came from his brother but out of his kid's mouth. 

That's it, she learned it from Dean. Too small to have come up with it on her own.  


Another momentary beat of silence masked as bated breath, then melodious, choking laughter came out of his wife from the other room and Sam groaned quietly, picturing it now: He was never going to live this one down. 

Burned alive by his own baby and with no ointment to soothe it. Big ouch.

Slowly, a small frying pan completely unaware of the swift blow it had dealt tapped twice on his knee, asking for him to "grill it a cheese" and thankfully the Queen herself finally came to rescue him from his misery with laughter in her eyes and a soft kiss to his cheek. A King he was not but the Queen's love he was, and that was really nice. 


	4. What happens when you die?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Tweet:
> 
> 4-year-old: What happens when you die?
> 
> Me: You go to heaven.
> 
> 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?

Madelyne MacLeod scooted carefully down the bunker stairs one at a time with an important question on her mind, it was the **most** important question and the only person she could ask was her uncle Dean and she hadn't seen him yet this morning. She had visited most of the places she knew how to get to on her own but had remembered one last place to check: The kitchen. 

Sure enough, there he was. Apron on, humming something she didn't know (it's not Disney) and swaying to his own tunes. He looked silly but so did most adults to her. Padding up behind him, a tiny hand reached out to grab the closest bit of him, the tail of his flannel, and tugged twice. "What happens when you die?" 

Dean paused for a minute, trying to decide if this was a conversation he should be having with her instead of her parents. She had to learn sometime but also she was just a kid, maybe it was too soon. Also, why did she need to know? She's practically guaranteed a spot in Heaven, even though she's a Winchester. You know what, she probably wouldn't remember half of it anyway.

"Well kiddo, you to go to Heaven. Or well I mean, I'm gonna go to Heaven, cuz I've done a lot of stuff to get me there. Some people don't go to Heaven. Jack went to the Empty for a bit -- " Dean continued to prattle on while Maddy just stared at him, blinking slowly. "... Gabe's your dad so I think that automatically gets you a pass." 

Raising her small hands and waving them wildly to stop him, as she'd seen Castiel do when her daddy and Uncle Dean were fighting, her small voice cut him off. "No! I mean when **you** die, do I get your stuff?" Maddy started hopefully, "can I have your bacon?" She asked, making grabby hand motions towards the stove. 

Dean almost stopped in his tracks. Hell no she could not have his bacon. He already had to share some of his pie with her... He was being burned alive on a pyre with that bacon, then he'd go out smelling amazing and hopefully end up on the other side with endless bacon. What could go wrong with that plan? What was she going to ask for next, his Baby? She couldn't even reach the pedals! 

Setting the spatula down, Dean sunk down on one knee to get eye level with his other favourite baby just as Cas wandered into the kitchen in search of something... coffee, watching the two of them out of the corner of his eye. Booping the small girl, Dean kept his finger on her little nose while two untrained eyes tried to focus on his finger. "You don't even really eat bacon, kiddo. You're a baby rabbit, kinda like your dad." 

"-- but I want it for lunch." Fair enough, bacon was delicious **and** if it was on something healthy, Sam couldn't say shit. It proved his niece had great taste, she could play her dads and, oh boy. Maddy was gonna give him the lip quiver thing if he didn't answer soon. Jack was picking it up too. Was it contagious?

"Dean, give her some of the bacon. Jack has already agreed to give her his sunglasses and Charlie is giving her some sort of tablet device with games." _This is so fuckin' morbid. What are Gabe and Rowena giving her? A winged horse?_

"Uncle Cas, when you die can I have your blue scarf?" 

"You may have my tie, yes." 

Little hands clapped in joy. "_Yay._"


	5. Lipstick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag."
> 
> Not a tweet but classic and beautiful nonetheless.

Fifteen year old Maddy sat at the island, munching away at her taco salad and mentally preparing for the swift death that was coming her way any second now. She wasn't gonna get to go with papa to Monte Carlo, Jack wasn't gonna get to teach her to drive Baby when Dean was sleeping. She wasn't gonna get to play with fire at the solstice. This was it.

The final countdown.

Gnawing on her bottom lip as she heard the bunker door open, she sort of wished that she'd snuck some of Jack's secret whiskey stash before deciding to end her life in such a brutal way. She could have died of happiness at Disneyland.

Instead, she's dying in Kansas. In a bunker. Where no one will hear her scream.

Her mother glided into the room, all shine and bangles and hair so bouncy it had its own secrets, dropping her shopping next to Maddy's bowl and pulling her baby into a soft hug. "Hullo, my love, what did you and wee Jack get up to today?" 

“I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag,” Maddy replied, monotonously, having definitely hit the record button on her phone, which she stashed, just in case it was not incredibly obvious who her killer was.

Silence. Then the soft jingling of bangles was the only warning. She wasn't even going to get to finish eating her salad before she died. 

Just then, safety! Her papa poked his head into the kitchen with cute heart eyes on for her mother. Completely unawares of the danger he had just stumbled into. "What's cookin', good lookin?" 

The lightbulbs shot out above their heads.

Her mother. So flustered and ready to start throwing hands. Her eyes hadn't changed co -- oh, no. There it was. Tiny Angry Scot gearing for a fight. It's every man for themselves now.

Papa clicked his tongue and maybe glanced over at her? Maddy couldn't really tell. "You're my favourite kid, Maddy. Much love to you, princess. See you on the other side." **Traitor**! 

“OCH! YOU SPILL- WH-WAH-WA-WECJHD- LIPSTICK?? IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BA-“


	6. Handprints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Why are there little handprints on the wall?"

It was painting day, Sam and his baby had brushes (big and little, respectively) in their hands and was painting the walls of Maddy's room to a soft shade of purple from the seafoam green it had been before.

Things had been going well all day, which should have been the first clue that something was wrong, but Sam had been trying to take his spouses' suggestions of "not assuming everything will go wrong" all the time. 

Until it was, at least. "Why are there little handprints all over the wall?" An amused but also commanding voice asked from behind him.

Pausing mid brushstroke, Sam swallowed and his shoulders dropped with a small sigh. He knew it had been going _too_ well. 

Sam turned to Maddy and blinked, not having realized that there were in fact, little handprints all over the wall behind them where she had clearly gone behind him and touched everything. There was even a smiley face now dried into the adjacent wall.

Maddy had been loudly humming and painting the baseboards before as it was the only thing she could really reach without tiring herself out easily, it was a simple task that she said she understood.

Don't touch the paint so it can dry turned into touch literally all of the paint in arms reach while it was wet and squishy.

He put too much faith in his baby, it was finally his turn for that cute look of utter betrayal.

"Why are there little handprints all over the wall?" He parroted back to their daughter, who blinked in return and swayed softly as if she was trying to decide in the moment which other bunker occupants to blame it on.

"Because I have small hands, daddy." 

Ah, yes. **Obviously**. He must be a dumbass. A perfectly valid reason.

"Because she has small hands." Sam relayed back to his wife, throwing her a goofy smile in hopes she wouldn't be as mad because he was cute. As was their offspring? 

Turning back to face his child, suddenly there was paint all over her face and clothes and Maddy was beaming like a cat who ate the canary.

He had only turned around for a few seconds, why didn't Rowena stop her? Why was their baby like this? Is it because she now has an audience? Which of the other two parents did she inherit this from so he could have some words with them? 

Putting his head in his hands, Sam sighed in defeat. "Tub?"

"Aye, before she touches anything else. We have precious things kept here, Samuel. "

A small wet hand was patting the back of his knee placatingly before throwing themselves in the air and shouting "I'M GONNA BE A DUCK!" excitedly. 

Yeah, he was definitely the clown this time, Sam decided as he slowly put his painting supplies down and grasped his small wiggly offspring by her tiny and now purple-stained coveralls and held her out in front of him like a caught fish. 

He was a fucking clown and his daughter was a duck. What a pair.


	7. I'm five.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They eat my hair cuz I'm small"

A loud banging on the bunker door had a small five-year-old pause in her very serious colouring to look up at her companion, "My turn?" She asked quietly, tilting her head to the side. She never got to answer the door. Mostly because it's a lot bigger than she is and she had small legs.

Clicking his tongue, Gabe nodded. He didn't really want to get up if he could avoid it, it was hard to get comfy in those chairs but once you did.. leaving was a chore. "Sure can jellybean, just make sure you know who it is first. No strangers in the bunker." 

Nodding, her hair bow bobbing behind her, Maddy slid carefully off her chair and rooted around the table for her sandwich before slowly making her way over to the large staircase and crawling up it, one stair at a time. Stopping every other step to take a bite of her sandwich.

Eventually reaching the top of the stairs, she attempted to hold her sandwich and jump at the same time, struggling to hit the button she knew turned the camera on. Getting it with a tiny slap on her third try, she watched as the camera blinked to life.

"Whoryou?" The question was muffled behind stuffed peanut butter and jelly sandwiched cheeks, she wasn't really tall enough to see much on the small screen they had installed but Maddy could tell it was a man and that he had a black coat and a tie on.

"Who am I? Who are YOU? Who in their right mind let a damn child into this bunker?! Are Moose and Squirrel here or not?"

"Jack says we can't have animals that live outside as pets, they eat my hair cuz I'm small..."

Maddy pouted, a tiny frown appearing across her face.

"No, you tiny misunderstanding child! Moose and Squirrel, Samantha and Deanna! Are. They. Here?"

"_Oh_. I dunno them. I know Daddy and Uncle Dean. Do they have sisters? I want a sister. Here it's just mummy and papa Gabe and Jack and Uncle Bobby and... me! I'm five."

"I **don't** care." Crowley stood there in actual shock. This child was clearly familiar with the Winchester family brood and she had mentioned Dean but failed to mention Sam. Had something happened to the overgrown Moose? More importantly, those two den mothers would just willingly leave a child in **that** bunker of all places? 

Turning on her tiny heel Maddy pressed her face in between the iron bars lining the stairs and began to yell, "Papa! There's somebody at the door, he has a funny voice and a scarf like Uncle Cassie." nearly dropping her sandwich in the process. 

Gabe was situated at one of the tables nearby, colouring in a sun for his sunshine spouses like he'd been instructed to by his baby. Leaning back in the chair, he admired his work and briefly glanced over his shoulder. "Kiddo, we've gone over this. It's a tie."

"A tie between what?" She asked in reply, frowning. 

"No, ah.. never mind. Who's at the door? Does he have my pizza?" Maybe it was the pizza he ordered and the poor guy was being bamboozled by a five-year-old. If that was the case he could just sit around and hang out a little bit longer, they said 30 minutes or less and it had definitely been at least 45.

Crowley continued to stand there in the chilly weather, patience wearing thin as the banter between the televised occupant and someone clearly her elder raged on. 

"Look, this is ridiculous. Can I... come in? Or speak to some form of adult?!"

"No adults here. Maybe Uncle Bobby. Do you have pizza? Papa Gabe wants to know." Maddy asked, finally standing on her tiptoes to stick her face closer to the screen and instead just flashing a nostril and chin.

That's it. "NO, I DO NOT HAVE PIZZA." He might not be the King of Hell anymore but he was not just going to stand here while these two --

"What is all the bloody yelling about? The monks in Tibet could hear you two gabbering on..." Rowena chided, sweeping into the room in a long black dress, a fact that did not escape Gabe's gaze or the wolf whistle that followed. 

Glancing up at her daughter, her small face practically pressed against the screen, Rowena gathered her skirt and started up the stairs, not overly fond of the idea of her wee one speaking to strangers. "Maddy, my luv, what have we said about the door? "

"Mummytheresamanhehaspizza" Maddy practically shouted all in one tiny breath, bits of sandwich falling onto her shirt. She was definitely getting a bath later, whether she liked it or not.

"For the last time, I DO NOT HAVE PIZZA ---" Crowley shouted at the toddler who was nodding her head defiantly at him, red hair bobbing and her finger wagging at him as she shook and yelled back "YESYOUDO! YESYOUDO!"

Rowena paused mid stair, slack-jawed and silent. Unsure of whether she was hearing things or imaging them or if someone was perhaps playing a cruel prank on her, she wasn't sure she wanted to know...

"_Fergus_?"

"Hello, Mother."

Maddy shoved the rest of her sandwich in her mouth and paused part chew as she blinked between the door and her mum in confusion. "Wat?" She wheezed out, crumbs falling out of her mouth. 

Getting no answer out of either of the adults nearby, the Weechester tried a different tactic. "Can I have his scarf?" 

"No!" 


	8. Angry Red Potato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued from "I'm five."

Standing on the landing next to Rowena's swishy skirt as they both stared at the screen, Maddy's hands dug deep into the fabric as she pressed her cheek into it. Nobody was talking anymore and she was getting uncomfortable with the silence.

Someone was always talking in the bunker and usually, it was her. She wanted someone to talk.

"Papa, I think mummy's broked. She's not talking..." Maddy called down the stairs, hoping he would come up and do something.

Having gotten caught up in finishing Maddy's picture, he sort of missed all the hubbub at the door about his pizza so, at the soft pathetic sounding prodding from his baby, Gabe's head shot up. "On my way, love of my life." 

Next thing she knew, Gabe was bounding up the stairs two steps at a time and pausing at the landing when he spied the camera footage. "Hey! I know you. Angry, balding former King of Hell. Come in!" 

Shaking his head as the large steel door was opened, Crowley sighed as he stepped over the threshold and glanced about. "I hate you." 

"No, you don't but it's a nice thought anyway." Gabe started, pausing before slapping his hands together and rubbing them like he had a plan.

"Okay, so. Here's what we're gonna do. Everyone is going downstairs because if you, in fact, do not have my pizza and it shows up, then there are too many people up here which means we can't open the door so... get." 

Crowley went first, brushing passed his mother who was still standing eerily still, probably trying to come up with a scheme to get him killed, and the tiny annoyance who wasn't such hot shit now that he was inside the bunker. 

Gabe scooped Maddy up in one arm, her tiny arms trying to wrap around his neck, and with the other threw Rowena over his shoulder, pressing a small kiss to the side of her head when she all but went limp in his arms at the contact. Too bad Sam wasn't home to help with this, he would know what to do.

They were at home with the wrong spouse and father, respectively, if they wanted proper conduct or knowledge of comforting humans, anyway. He was there for baby kisses, adult kisses, and inappropriate jokes. Sometimes for heaven on high assistance. Actual comforting and feely things? Not really his area.

Setting his wife down on the deep plush couch nearby, he placed Maddy on her mother's lap and asked her to stay put while he got mummy a drink. Crowley had settled himself on the other end of the couch and was staring the child down with both mild disgust and interest, something Maddy was growing increasingly aware of and made her wiggle around

Crowley wasn't used to seeing his mother like this, she always had something smart to say. Seeing her complete stunned into silence stroked his ego ever so slightly but the sight of a child, clearly his mother's given her colouring and fiery sass, also had him feeling odd. Given her track record for parenting (and grandparenting)... and mentoring come to think of it - whatever made her think _another_ child was the answer. 

Maybe one could mistake the baby for someone else's child if you took away the hair, but the minute she opened her mouth any doubts would fly out the window. She was a MacLeod, his... sister. Small enough to crush but likely bursting with untapped magic and temperaments. She had called the annoying angel "papa" though, and _my_, didn't that just sound like a tale and growing opportunity. Nephilim were rare and highly sought after. Sadly, he wasn't in the business of making deals anymore. Death had seen to that.

Still though. He was no cat but curiosity was getting the better of him, no doubt of his scheming mother too. Rowena hadn't taken her eyes off of him and he wanted to know **why**. What was that crone up to?

"Well?" He started, arm sweeping out to rest against the back of the couch, just out of reach of the baby. He was going to find out what she was by the end of this.

"How is this possible? The boys told me ye died, lobbed yerself onto the grenade so to speak and got yerself killed. For them. A **hero**, they said. That didn't sound like ye. How are ye here _now_?" Rowena ground out, willing herself not to cry over it. Again. It had been embarrassing enough the first time with Sam and Dean, she wouldn't do now in front of her children. Her _children_, the two of them. Both here. She couldn't have dreamed that if she tried. 

Truthfully, Rowena thought she was in the middle of a right nightmare and any minute she'd wake up and Fergus would be gone, and so would Maddy.

"How am I here? What are **you** doing here? You're not chained up in their bloody dungeon or on a beach in Morocco with some rich Republican. Instead here, Kansas of all the disgusting places, in this damn bunker where the end of the world has come about more than anyone would care to admit. With a _child_ I'm not sure you didn't magic up out of a cauldron for some hair-brained scheme."

"Hey!" Maddy protested sadly, head volleying back and forth and tiny hands curling into any spot on Rowena she could hold onto, deeply wishing her papa would come back. She understood the word child had meant her but not the rest of it.

Just then, Gabe reappeared with two glasses and a bottle of scotch in hand. Always saving the day he was. "hate to debunk that one but I was there, it was long and gross, and she," Gabe pointed at Maddy, who was now making grabby hands at him, "looked like an angry red potato, but she was cute so we kept her. Also, we didn't make it to the hospital suite like originally planned so we could not give her back" 

Eyes widening, Crowley took the glass and drank it back in one shot before glaring at his mother. "So she's a Nephilim then? In a bunker of Winchester's? Are you out of your fucking mind? Even you couldn't survive something that diabolical." 

"Fergus!"

Hearing the swear word, Maddy pushed herself into standing on Rowena's lap and excitedly clapped her hands.

"Swear jar!"

A small clinking noise of coins magically dropping into the jar nearby had Maddy beaming, still clapping. "Yay."


	9. I'm a wangel! Fear me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley's got a huge headache. Continued from "I'm five."

"She's no nephilim, can you imagine how destructive she'd be as she aged? Half witch, half angel. There'd be no stoppin' her."

"I'm a wangel! Fear me. I like bats." 

"Nae, wangel, ye aren't. Nor are ye a wee ducky, a fire engine or a teapot, and ye're not very fond of bats either. Now hush, the adults are talking." Rowena paused, booping her daughter gently on the nose which resulted in a soft giggle.

"She's human, Fergus... plus. From what we can tell at this age. She's got magic, we know that, though how much? Can't be certain."

Crowley continued to watch the young girl, who was now blowing raspberries to herself quietly. 

The baby had called the angel "papa" but had described her daddy being out with her uncle, wait. Brows furrowing, Crowley's head shot up as did the rest of him, narrowly missing Maddy's hand that had been wandering towards taking his tie off him while he wasn't looking.

"-- MOOSE? This little ankle biter has MOOSE for a father?"

His mother should not still be alive given Sam's track record, nor the ones of his enemies. That also meant the child had a claim to the throne, _his_ throne. 

His anger was only getting the better of him after he spied his mother chuckling softly at him. 

"What's so funny, mother?"

"How miffed ye are dearie, jealous I got to him first then? Always thought ye might have a thing for one of them, wouldn't have thought it Sam though. Isn't Dean more yer type?"

"Shut it, woman. I'm not jealous of anything." Lie. "Squirrel **may** be more my type but he's literally glued to the less annoying Angel now."

"And then some" Gabriel piped up, pizza box finally in hand and cheese hanging from his mouth. 

"They're shacked up like two birds?" Crowley asked, surprised either of them had enough balls between them for it. He wasn't jealous of that either. Another lie.

"S'debatable. They're trying. Bit too rigid and built-in hate for the both of them but, trying. Bless Jackie boy for his help. Having a nephilim son is making them think a wee bit differently, they have to work _together_ now to raise him."

"It's really sad, my brother is bad at flirting."

"It's not like Dean's much better, love. They're both a bit daft if you ask me."

Whatever _this_ weird flirting was, it was also disgusting. Crowley stood there rubbing his temples, wishing he had another drink. This was too much for one person to take in on a normal day and now there was _another_ child in the mix of things. Who was allowing these people to procreate? Weren't there laws against this sort of thing after the age of 60?

"So let me get all this straight, you and Moose?"

"Aye."

"Of all the people, magical and non magical, on this planet, why him?"

"He's a handsome, great tree of a fella and I took a running leap at climbing him, ye can barely blame me, Fergus. _Look_ at him. He's also a talented witch in his own right, my magic likes to get a bit naughty with his and he's the most loving man I've ever met. Didn't give a lick about what I've done in my past, not like he's been a saint, but we just _get_ each other on a very deep level. Ye should try it sometime."

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard... and that cheesy idiot over there?"

The pair glanced over at where Gabriel was perched, two pieces of pizza in hand and twirling cheese around from both in his mouth like a child. Rowena winced but still looked on fondly at her other partner.

"At first he was a rough-n-tumble to make Samuel jealous, try to push him into action so to speak, dinnae quite work but we both realized we were fond of the giant and joined forces to make things work between the lot of us. He's fun, feathered and fabulously wealthy when he wants to be, not to mention he's the best third parent we could ask for Maddy. He can whisk her to safety at a moment's notice."

"Papa, pizza! I'm dyinggg. Help..." Maddy play whined, toppling over onto the couch seat next to her mother, hands spread out and waving. 

Gabe threw his baby a greasy thumbs up and went to reach into the pizza box to toss his daughter a slice before being struck down by a glare from his wife.

"-- Also, he's a poor influence sometimes, which seems necessary for a well-rounded babby. Gabriel, if ye value yer feathers ye'll not step within fifty feet of her with that pizza. She'll not come to supper otherwise and Sam's got her snack planned out already..." Rowena was well versed in Gabe after near six years together now, shaking her head and continuing on with her son.

"He'll also do things with her that we can't, teach her things neither Samuel nor I have any experience in. Heaven. Charles. The magic of angels and the like. We can teach her of powerful other magic, of Hell. Being human. Checks and balances."

"So this... child, is the next in line to Hell and you want to try and teach her "checks and balances", mother? Honestly. Are you mental?"

Just as Rowena opened her mouth to answer, Gabriel's head shot up at the "next in line" bit, Maddy sneezed and wiped her hand on the nearby pillow and the bunker door creaked again with approaching newcomers. No doubt the snot would come back to haunt them later. "Rowena, your kid licked my damn car! There's a tongue print on her side door."

Blinking slowly as she absorbed the new voices, Maddy stayed sprawled out on the couch seat and shook her head against the cushions, sticking out her tongue to try and look at it, "Nu uh, I don't have a side door."


	10. Mother, do something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family saga continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what these shenanigans are anymore. They've completely taken on their own life.

"Why is she only _my_ child when she's done something naughty, her father is bringing up yer rear. Talk to him. This is half on him too." 

Rowena waited to see if Dean would round on his brother, which he did. Stink eye and all. 

"Now, why are ye going around lickin' things that don't belong to ye? It's really not sanitary, love. Also, bit weird." She asked, wiggling her daughter's foot affectionately, though she didn't expect much in way of response.

"Jack said. He said, um. I lick it so it's mine."

"And what, pray tell, do ye want with a car ye cannae drive nor see over the wheel of?"

Maddy shrugged. "Mine now."

"Is she gonna lick the throne now too when she decides she wants that?"

"Oh, don't ye start with me, Fergus. Ye're being ridiculous."

"Am I, mother? Am I? I just want what is mine and what I worked hard at for centuries!"

"She's a wee babby, Fergus, they wouldn't let her rule anyway."

"Hey, Sam. Check it out. Crowley's here."

"Oh, god." Rowena's head fell into her hands. Here we go. She could feel the two lumberjacks still standing at the top of the landing, letting all the cold air in.

Crowley continued to go off. "I'm just saying, I won't be back on this godless forsaken Earth if I can't have my throne. Who do I have to talk to or kill in order to fix this?"

Maddy had zoned out, her feet weren't being tickled anymore and was now studying a quarter she found in the couch with hyper-focused determination while clicking her tongue.

Both Rowena and Crowley glanced down at the baby, one with fond and one with disgusted looks on their faces.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. I have to ask _her_? I hate her. Moose, I am not asking a lolly licker that’s not at my knee for this, give me my throne back and I'll be out of your hair forever."

Another coin dropped in the swear jar in the background. 

"Fergus MacLeod!"

"I am not asking a bloody child for permission to sit on _my_ throne, I earned it. She can't even reach it. Mother, **do** something."

Maddy grunted and rolled over onto her knees and crossed her little arms, not liking the big man's tone or how he was yelling at her mummy. 

"Keep it up boy and I'll take the throne in her place to keep yer rump off it. How'd ye like that, huh? Queen of Hell has a nice bloody ring to it!" Rowena snarled, getting off her seat and right into her son's face.

"They'll never accept a witch like you as their ruler."

"Ye wanna make a wager on that? I'll make them. I'll take the throne and Hell will fear its ruler again instead of laughing at him behind his back!" 

Strong, calloused hands circled her arms and pulled her backward until she was snug against a warm chest, an attempt to soothe that was both endearing and annoying at the same time. "_Samuel_."

"Uh, hey. Sorry to interrupt the really heated ruling hierarchy discussion." Sam, ever the cool one. "But Crowley, how did you get here?" He started, pressing a quick kiss to his wife's temple before leaning down to whisper in her ear. 

"Maddy is basically about to burst a lung screaming so we should wrap this up before there's a repeat of last month."

The kitchen incident. They were still finding bits of the cabinets and glass all over the place. Who would have thought a magical babby could do all _that_? 

Glancing over at their daughter, beet red with all her tiny baby anger, Rowena nodded and turned away from her fuming son to pick up her equally fuming daughter, sighing, and tucking Maddy into her side.

"My mummy." Maddy pouted into her mother's shoulder, deflating into a heap against Rowena.

"I'm his mummy too, sweetheart." Rowena soothed softly, running her hands through Maddy's hair in an attempt to calm her.

"No!" The little one let out with a cry.

Crowley poked his nose close to the baby, eyeing her up. "Yes."

Maddy growled and pushed him away with her little hand. "No. I don't want you."

"I don't like you either, short stack, but we're stuck with each other now ."

"Ye haven't answered the question, Fergus."

"I woke up like this, okay woman. I don't know how I got here. There was no scary broad standing over me chanting or a crack of light and bam, I just shot up in a bed like I'd been slapped on the ass as a babe."

"I dinnae slap him on the arse as a babby but maybe I should have..." Rowena whispered to Sam, eyeing up her son with confusion as Maddy kept glaring at him.

"The most annoying part is that demons don't sleep, so my body didn't know what to do with any of that. I don't know what city I was in. I just snapped myself Lebanon and used a little bit of magic to track the last location of one of these two tall idiots and it led me here, to this nightmare. I can't make deal with anybody from what it looks like, so who knows now."

Rowena smiled slightly into her daughter's hair at the mention of her son using magic. Fergus wasn't much of a believer in it and Crowley certainly shat all over it any chance he bloody got, but he still had needed it when it came down to the wire. A sure victory for her.

"I wonder **what** brought him back, people don't just wake up from the Empty without a reason." Gabriel finally piped up from behind them, sauntering over towards the group, another piece of pizza in his hand. He came to stand behind his wife and took a bite from the end of it before tilting it towards Maddy over Ro's shoulder in hopes it would cheer her up as he could see her pouting face still buried in Rowena's hair. 

With a small hiccup, Maddy, resting her chin on Rowena's shoulder took a small bite of the pizza and put her head back to where it was, chewing quietly. 

Rowena heard the tiny chewing noises and could smell the pizza behind her and just sighed, eyes rolling up into her head. 

Clearing his throat, Sam thought he would help smooth things over a bit. He'd heard some of the yellings before they got in there and it didn't sound like it was going to be something solved overnight. Maybe mother and son could make something of this time together. He knew deep down Rowena wanted that, she had confided that to the both of them many times over the years. "Crowley, listen. Until we sort this stuff out... there's plenty of extra rooms here in the bunker. You don't need to be anywhere near anyone if you don't want to."

Both mother and son instead just stared at him, confusion plastered across both of their faces. "What?" They both ask in unison.

"Jinx." Maddy hiccups quietly.

Gabe burped.

Dean just grabbed Gabe's pizza and shoved it in his mouth, shaking his head.

And that's how Crowley came to live at the bunker. At least temporarily.


	11. I'M NOT A MERMAID!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Combining two tweets this time: "I never thought I'd be in my 30s arguing with a naked toddler over whether or not she can wear fairy wings in the bathtub, yet here we are." and:
> 
> Me: Take a bath.
> 
> 5-year-old: Can't. I'm a fairy.
> 
> Me: Be a fairy in the tub.
> 
> 5: I'M NOT A MERMAID!

Maddy was having a no good, very bad day. Her tiny self was _miserable_ beyond miserable and she (nor anyone else) understood why.

It also happened to be on the last day Rowena was meant out of town, Ostara was upon them and she had gone to a three-day celebration among her fellow Pagans a few towns over. It was strictly witches and familiars only, so her family had dropped her off on the outskirt of the forest with her cloak and her bag and they were to pick her up after midnight. Her phone would be off and if something of worry were to happen, Gabriel was to come get her.

So far they had resisted, but the force was not with them today. They were beginning to get desperate.

At lunch, a tantrum over her pasta because they weren't in the shape of bowties (her favourite) and after Gabe added bowties to the mix, Maddy cried again because she couldn't slurp them like her noodles. Then she and Jack had tried to do some finger painting which resulted in her accidentally smacking herself in the face and crying so hard her little body shook and the lights in the room exploded.

After dinner, with her pigtails were high on her head, little dress and shoes all covered in small bits of paint, but she didn’t want a bath and had actively run from everyone who attempted to catch her which was no small feat for someone her size. She found a table to hide and colour under for a while but broke all of her pencil colours after getting the hiccups and couldn't fix them.

Which also made her cry.

With her magic being as unpredictable as it was, sometimes not cornering the magic baby was a better idea so they’d let her be but still supervised and now it was really getting time to get her washed before mum came home.

Bath time _used_ to be an easy ritual, any one of her parenting trio could accomplish it on their own. Maddy loved the water. She would crawl up the stairs with reckless abandon, with a parent ready to catch her should she fall, and dash around the corner of the landing towards the master bedroom where a jacuzzi tub was almost every night when she was a baby.

Now that she was older, bath time was practically a _nightmare_. Two or even all three of them could be required at any given moment. They would all get soaked. Toys ended up most places, hair was pulled. If magic ended up bubbling up in her tiny body and exploding, sometimes tile got broken. All three of them had definitely taken at least one foot to the face.

Crowley had ultimately decided to only hang around for maybe a month tops, once the offer had been made. He and Rowena had done their best to make up, to get to amicable terms, but he needed to figure things out for himself. Where he fits in all of this. He had seen about 17 so-called "bath times" since then and each one was getting more and more elaborate and ridiculous.

He really couldn't take any of these people seriously anymore. To think he once almost feared these people.

It was his last few days before leaving, promising that he would make some sort of attempt to come to see his "poor mother" on occasion, which was the most Rowena could have asked for given everything they'd been through. Plus, neither he nor Maddy ever let up on each other. Toddler versus centuries-old man battles went on for days. 

if he was feeling any modicum of sentimental, sometimes he might bring a present for the girl, who had graduated to calling him pizza man to eyeing him warily every time he entered the room and now to calling him "Gus", which he fucked hated even more than his mother calling him by his regular name. He blamed Rowena for that too.

He'd left his room, book in hand to find Sam with the sleeves of his flannel pushed up by his elbows, covered in a poncho and a towel on either shoulder in prep for what was to come. 

“What in the fuck are you wearing this time?”

“It’s bath time and I have a toddler.” Sam shrugged as if that was the most obvious answer in the world. 

Crowley nodded, having seen some of the other attempts at this every other day ritual. “I never thought I’d see the great Moose like this.”

“I never thought I’d be in my 30’s arguing with a naked toddler over whether or not she can wear fairy wings in the bathtub, yet here we are.”

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. A distant sound, yet approaching with rapid speed. Familiar, feeling invoking and yet hair raising all at the same time.

Both men glanced down the long bunker hall in what could be both anticipation and dread mixed together. Of the two of them, Sam sighed first. “The shoes have returned. I’m in for it tonight.”

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

"That's literally the worst sound I've ever heard in my life." It sure would have been useful in Hell. Crowley was debating vacating the premises. 

"It's actually really cute, those shoes saved us a lot when she was little...er. She couldn't stay mad at the sound and we could use it to get her laughing enough to calm down."

Plus, watching her pout and try and stomp away from them was just cute. They got embarrassing and heartwarming videos for days out of these shoes.

"Incoming, Sammy. Naked baby on your six." Gabe called ahead, hoping his husband would manage to catch their kid before she got too much farther. Also hoping that the running would tire her and her little legs out, the kid had more energy than he did. Which was a hard feat to master...

The sudden onslaught of squeaking grew louder and faster as little legs ran into the room and Maddy, who was indeed still sporting fairy wings, started circling the map table before dashing into the dining room to figure eight around the larger tables, weaving her way around the chairs while Gabe attempted to guess where she was going next. 

All of their chairs moved faster now that there were tennis balls on their feet, thanks to baby proofing.

Sam sighed again, watching the pair and shaking his head. He loved them, they were two of the lights of his life, but he couldn't wait for her to start kindergarten in the fall. She would be so mentally stimulated with learning that maybe she would be tuckered out, they could bathe her in peace before she went down for the night. "Maddy, honey. Take a bath. You love baths." 

His baby continued to try and dash between her other father's legs, flying past him and circling Crowley, who appeared struck silent with fear and discomfort, before heading back to the tables the second Gabriel reached them. "Daddy. Can't. I'm a fairy."

"You can be a fairy in the tub." Sam reminded her, taking one step closer to the sprinting pair and sliding a towel off of his shoulder slowly, unfolding it and readying himself to attack when the moment struck. He could win this battle, maybe. She was small and if he moved quickly enough, still capable of being swaddled like he used to do when she was a baby.

He could do this. One more night of this and then his turn was blissfully **over**. It was her mother's turn to capture their child next. 

Maddy came to a halt and stared in disbelief at her father, her mother's red hair wild and sticking up at all ends since one of the pigtails had come loose. She hadn't clicked into the fact Sam and Gabe were closing in on her yet. "I'M NOT A MERMAID!" She cried at them, giving them a little stomp and giggle at the squeaking noise. It wasn't the same thing. Couldn't he tell the difference? They said her daddy was smart.

Raising his hands in front of his daughter, as if to show he was unarmed, Gabe stepped closer to her while eyeing up Sam and Crowley. "Yeah, Sammy. She's a fairy. She's not Ariel, you've heard her sing. So you get her small human legs, I'll get her wings and then we can wrap her up and deliver her to her mother."

"You two look like you've got this disaster under um, wing, so same time in a few days? Preferably with everyone clothed? Good. Laters." Crowley spun on his heel and headed back down the hall.

"BYEGUS." Maddy yelled, her whole body going into the yell. At the glare he shot her, she showed him her teeth and both Sam and Gabe used the distraction to scoop her up and wrap her in the towel, causing Maddy to cry out in tiny defeat. Carting the baby off to the bath, they both prayed she'd go down easily.

Reminding their daughter that mum was due home tonight was apparently the trick for this one because Maddy sat happily and splashed while her hair was washed and she got to keep the wings on, so win, win. After getting her dried and her hair combed through, her dads got her into her pjs and carried her to bed with the promise to leave her wings on and wake her before they left to get Rowena.

When it came time to leave, however, their lying asses just carefully bundled her into her small coat and boots and Gabe transported them to the edge of the forest clearing where they waited until everyone began to clear out. Rowena eventually sauntered out from the treeline, the train of her favourite black dress in hand with a large smile on her face, not expecting such a turnout. 

Feeling rather giddy at the surprise, Rowena moved towards them slowly. Completely aware that the other witches were watching her, some with disgust as Olivette had once for her dalliances and others with curiosity at seeing and more importantly, _feeling_, the power roll off of the other three. A Winchester and an Archangel... and a clearly powerful sleeping baby, with wings. "And what have we here? Three against one? So unfair. What's a lass to think, loves? "

Sam had Maddy fast asleep in his arms and he shook her gently so not to jolt her awake. "Hey, princess. We're here." Blinking awake slowly, Maddy's unfocused eyes looked around until they spied Rowena and she let out a tired whine. "Mummy!"

"Hullo, my dove. Go back to sleep, mummy's here." Leaning down to press a soft kiss to her forehead, Rowena ran her fingers through her daughter's hair with a quiet hum to soothe the girl back to sleep. Taking Maddy from Sam's arms, Rowena held her close as Maddy snuggled into her mother's arms, raising a brow as the child's wings nearly whacked her in the face, "rough bath time, boys?" 

"You could say that." Her partners frowned. "I was wondering, Roro. Could all this tantrum stuff be because of all her unknown witchiness?"

Rowena laughed quietly, shaking he head. "No, boys. It's just part of being a wee babby. Aye, we'll have trouble when her powers really get goin' but for now? It's normal. I can maybe bring her along for the Beltane gathering though, see how she likes it."

Gabe tugged Sam's sleeve excitedly. "Sammy, I know this one. That's the fertility one with the pole." 

Clicking her tongue in response at her angel, Rowena shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Crude, but, correct. It may have helped us get this cute one here, who is growing harder to hold the longer we standstill. Home now, boys. I'd like to rest in my own bed tonight."

Gabe took them home and watched lovingly as Rowena headed off with their offspring to put her down for the night, turning towards Sam and holding his hand out for a five. "We did it! Got the babe, got the baby clean, made it home in time for cuddles."

"We didn't finish the dishes." Sam realized, gnawing on his lower lip. He knew how many dishes were in there.

"We didn't finish the dishes." Gabe echoed, dropping his un-fived arm sadly. Whoops.


End file.
